Gordon Ramsay Visits The USS Nimitz
The Navy’s cuisine is recognized worldwide for its stellar nutrition and quality. Feeding its sailors nothing short of the best food available at sea, it’s no surprise the USS Nimitz earned the 2020 Captain Edward F. Ney Memorial Food Service Award. A distinction reserved only for those who display outstanding levels of cleanliness, quality, and service. However, their recent notoriety has gained them some unwanted attention in the form of Gordon Ramsay. Indeed, the esteemed master chef/writer/reality-tv star set his sights on what would become his biggest challenge yet, The USS Nimitz. However, little did chef Ramsay foresee the events that conspired before him during his visit to the ship. Because as every sailor knows, the only time food tastes decent in the Navy is during inspection time.
During his visit, chief Ramsay asked to partake in the mess deck’s most popular meals. Refusing to partake in the officer’s mess, he instead wanted to try out what the regular sailors were eating. To see what the real Navy was calling nourishment. Thankfully, the main offerings of the day were a plate of salmon a lâ rare, and outside-fried-inside-raw chicken with a bug-ridden salad. For dessert, he got to enjoy some defrosted moldy waffles with authentic fake maple syrup. Truly an offering worthy of the gods.
That night, witnesses say they faintly heard the screams of agony that could only come from the fabled double dragon. As chef Ramsay’s painfilled screams echoed through the pipes, some sailors claim to have heard some of his famous quotes.
“This fish is so raw it’s still finding Nemo.” And “Why did the chicken cross the road? Because you didn’t f — ing cook it!”
Despite not being dead, his spirit now haunts the vessel.
Chef Ramsay’s visit comes at the heels of a viral post on Facebook bashing the quality of the food on the ships. In the thread, the former sailor describes the food as lacking in quality, often being raw, moldy, bug-infested, or a combination of all. Yet, it’s not as if the cooks are incapable of making decent meals. Holidays and inspections show they can be capable culinarians. But that shouldn’t be the only time they do their job competently. We can only hope that chef Ramsay’s sacrifice will be the wake-up call the Navy needs to improve its meal quality.
Rest in Peace, chef Gordon Ramsey,
He died so that sailors could eat.
P.S.
Originally, this article was posted in a satire website that I used to write for, but Google shut it down for spreading fake news.